I feel like Waldo in those “Where’s Waldo” cartoon pictures. Hidden amongst a vast sea of people, events, and surroundings.
The past two weeks have on one side felt as if my whole existence was being wiped out and on the other side, as if I was conscious but not yet born. I’ve been asking myself WHAT THE F*CK? No drawing galleries lately, no altar Sunday this week…what is going on, what is happening to me?
Two weeks ago we had a family emergency that took every bit of my attention and last bit o energy I had to spare. Then Last week I got slammed with what has presented pretty much like walking pneumonia. Plus, in the mix still trying to hold my PT job and try and make bills ( which the sickness has pretty much stolen any extra opportunities to try catch up).
I find myself hanging onto hope and an inner divine knowing that all is as it should be. Outside my ego I know that something is in the works to support my big movements forward and to get back on track with the rhythm I was in. Somehow though, there is an inkling inside that warns, well not warns, but prepares me to not expect it all to look the same when I arrive back present in my own life.
My being as a Whole has been cleansing. Crying, coughing, sweating, shivering, blowing out snot, sustaining massive headaches, and body aches and releasing all the toxins brought to the surface. Sleeping to recover, laying down on the earth, sitting only for brief moments, trying to go to work, being sent home. Deep inside my chest a heavy heavy pressure, body racking coughs and shakes as I try to free myself from all this unecessary physical and material heaviness, all this old shit I’ve been carrying around. My focus limited only to where is the kleenex? and more tea please.
As a result, my physical life around me is stressed…I am beginning to wonder if I am truly supported? Can I make it here? Why is it such a challenge to maintain now that I’ve landed in my wonderful home space.
I can only keep doing the work that my soul urges require of me. My visions and inspirations keep me going and the knowledge that when I am well, the lighter me will find more ease, grace and understanding about where my energies are truly vital and needed!
Take your Vitamin C!