About two weeks ago I posted on my Facebook status,
“I wonder what would happen if all that I give and commit to others I actually did for myself……I wonder how things would shift….”
I had been reviewing my choices and how I spend my time, where my focus lies, and all that I offer to others in their daily life. I was by no means poo-pooing these choices. Afterall, it brings me great joy to give love, offer support, be compassionate, inspire, encourage, be a shoulder to cry on, nurture, and play with all my loved ones, friends, family and the four legged. But, at the end of some days I wonder what is left over for me? I know, as experience has taught me that if I EXPECT these things to come from others for fulfillment that I will either be delightfully appreciative or disappointed. (usually depends on my own damn mood and what I am capable of receiving).
One of my lovely dear friends on Facebook, responded sincerely to my status, and behind closed doors we began to explore the idea of doing all that we do for others, for ourselves for a week or maybe two as a bonified experiment! She and I both blog, and we decided this would be a great venue for tracking our progress. Her name is Rae, she is at Mudstar Ceramics, and you can follow her journey in this experiment here
Rae and I went back and forth trying to get past the initial feelings of guilt that began to surface with the mention of Self Love. It felt scratchy, uncomfortable, SELFISH (as if it were a bad thing), ego-centric, and somewhat negative. How dare we put ourselves first when so many need us. We are mothers, daughters, wives, girlfriends, and so on….blah blah blah. We made our lists as to where we could put more time and consciousness into caring for ourselves with equal fervor! It still felt daunting and the internal critics and judges kept wanting to creep up. So, I finally just laid it out………
“This is definitely all about SELF LOVE…and even though it seems indulgent it is necessary…it’s not selfish…its learning how to be whole and complete in ourselves..providing for ourselves so we can then help others…if we can’t do it for ourselves then how can we honestly help anyone else …all we end up doing is projecting our expectations on others to fulfill us or fill the voids and that is how we keep cycling through old destructive patterns then try to rely on out of date conditioning to make sense of it all.”
neither of us could argue that. And so we begin………..
SELF LOVE EXPERIMENT: Part I
I love romance. What can I say. So I picked MYSELF some flowering herbs I have in the garden! A bit of Bee Balm, some Yarrow, Chamomile, Artemisia, Lavendar..a few of my favorite things! I placed them in my home where I would be sure to enjoy them everyday! I love their smell and beauty, and I will dry them to use medicinally later.
I LOVE GIVING MYSELF FLOWERS!
At the beginning of the year I began some pretty lofty projects and set some really high expectations for myself in regards to achieving them. Everyone got on board, cheered me on, and supported these magnificent endeavors. But, it was all too much at once, I got scattered, I burned out quick, I had to find other jobs just to pay bills, my kids needed me, by partner needed me and I began dropping balls. I couldn’t carry on at the level I had told everyone I wanted to. I feel as if I have let many people down and maybe even lost their respect or belief in me. I have to forgive myself for being overly ambitious but not having the foundations in place in order to help all these visions and hopes grow. These dream seeds….stunted…momentarily..
I finally made peace with myself. I decided to just focus on who I am and implementing a consistent survival plan so I can realign with my heart passions. So, I made myself some SELF LOVE flags. I painted little squares of cardstock all pretty and such, then I wrote on each one the archetypes I FEEL most aligned with….The Artist, The Curious Traveler, The Story Teller, the Philosopher, The Wisdom Keeper. I hung the flags over my bed where I can see them each morning when I wake, to embrace all that I am , and take time to envision what that looks like out in the world!
I LOVE MY SELF LOVE FLAGS
I am also so excited to commit to taking this e-course with my dear friend and sista of my soul Lauren Luquin. Through her course Intuitive Heart Sanctuary, I am honoring myself each week with her amazing journal assignments, tuning into her uplifting and supportive blog posts and videos. I am connecting with other women, as we explore our spirits and journey together into an awakening that I believe will forever change our lives. I am committed to this course for I know it will open doors within me and within my community to finally experience and live the life I see for myself. It has already begun, my consciousness has shifted, and I realize that this is not a dream, this my reality, this is my sacred beautiful life and I manifest that which I want in it!
The rains have washed the earth clean, the thunder has played us a magnificent powerful song as I write, the coolness soothes my skin and the desert smells of sweet intoxication. My boyfriend is desiring to share time and space with me for dinner and a movie. Lucky for me, this is one way that I love to honor ME!
Have a freaking awesome SELF LOVE evening!