What is it really like to be me?
It’s fucking hard, people
don’t get me wrong..
of course there is magic, beauty, love, bliss, appreciation, gratitude
I am constantly humbled
that is what you normally see……….the part that is reborn
that person with new insight, breath, creativity, hope renewed and restored
but let me tell you
there is another side to this story
it’s the story nobody wants to hear about.
it is your story too, don’t deny it
it’s the one we wont’ show because ….*gasp* we might be judged, condemned, shunned for not being perfect
well, I’m here to tell you
the other side is fucking hard, its dark, it hurts
it is lonely,
eyes bulge from my head from the rivers that flood every ounce of my skull…….my ……whole being
the sorrows, the pain, the losses
the disbelief, the uncertainty, doubt, insecurity, and CRAP….
the fucking crap heap….the one…you know…..that I stake claim in as Queen of
Queen of Crap heap
struggle, fight, resist, wallow
ego, battered, bruised, down trodden, pompous and righteous
again…..why ? How? did I get here again?
sinking deeper into the dark dank smelly shit
until, finally, even that is enough
enough already……this sucks too
and I get pissed…….
only to be sad again
the entire spectrum of human emotion experienced in one album
every song, a lifetime of emotion
repeat, repeat, repeat…
the record skips
in between the repetitions
a moment for reconsideration
nobody said it was easy
“take me back to the start”
play it again Sam
I am at my best
when I am in deep
when I feel….feel…..feel………feeeeeeeeeeeel
being in the wave
in and out
in and out
this is real
this ……. is…….real…..
so don’t let my optimistic enthusiasm and enlightenment fool you
Owning the place of Queen of the Shit Pile comes first
only then am I privileged enough to see the flip side
only then does magic become magic
only then am I liberated
only then am I set free….